Proper22B, Trinity Lutheran Church, Tacoma, WA by Annette Fricke, MA Psychology, MA Theology
Reconciliation is a six syllable word and probably one of the most difficult things we are called to do as Christians. What does reconciliation mean? If I look it up in my electronic dictionary, the definition comes up as 1. Cause to be friendly again, 2. Adjust or settle, 3. Bring to acceptance. A further definition comes in the thesaurus and states "establishment of harmony" with synonyms listed as "harmonizing; rapproachment; reconcilement. The definition of rapproachment is the "state of having or establishment of cordial relations."
If we look at the first definition, "cause to be friendly again," we realize that it implies something other than a previous friendly state. Indeed, prior to reconciliation, people often feel offended, incensed, angered, miffed, frustrated, disappointed, and a whole host of other feelings. In definition number two, "adjust or settle" we may think of settling an argument or a disagreement possibly by adjusting our thinking, our feelings and our behavior. Sometimes our hearts are in the wrong place. Sometimes our hearts do not match our feelings and behavior. Sometimes we simply have conflicting values. We know that we should give to the ministry of our church, but we hesitate. We hesitate with our money, we hesitate with our behavior, we allow our non-humble, non-sacrificing self to take over. We even agree to vows in baptism and marriage and then break them. We agree to accept the children of the world, the vulnerable, the weak, those who have different values than us; the people that society considers to be somehow "less than". But our actions betray us. We draw lines of inclusion and exclusion. We are judgmental. We sometimes fail to see the big picture and are encased in narrow-minded navel-gazing. As in Mary Poppins, we can't see past the ends of our noses. We want to help in the ministry of Trinity, but we are waiting for someone to ask us. We don't want to volunteer because we already have too much on our plates. Sometimes it is a matter of balancing our priorities and taking the initiative. God has blessed us with many gifted people here at Trinity. Whether you realize it or not, you are one of them. You have gifts.
Where is your heart? What do you value the most? Jesus told the Pharisees that they were very hard hearted. Jesus was pointing out that the original covenant of marriage as it was established by God from the beginning, was to be a lifelong commitment. But it was replaced by allowing a writ of divorce. And in the Jewish teaching of that day, only men were allowed to get a divorce. Women were not. Jesus goes on to explain that Moses gave this law because you (the Pharisees) were hard hearted. The Greek work for this actually is one compound word and kardia is the second of the words used. The heart is thought to be the seat of emotions. People who have had heart transplants have reported taking on the personality of the donor. We talk about people who have a good heart and wearing your heart on your sleeve. When we talk about someone having a soft heart, we see that person as someone who is easily taken advantage of. We think of people who show emotions, people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, as being weak and vulnerable. So we hide our emotions from others for fear of rejection. Yet, if we hold our emotions inside, we can be contributing to depression. When children are abused by others, they are often told by the abuser to promise to not tell their parents. They will often keep that promise. Sometimes the demand of an abuser is coupled with the threat of death if the abuser is discovered. That is why there is sometimes a delay of years before a child will speak up about the abuse. Some children who don't feel they are heard or who are abused can and do turn to alcohol and drug use. That's why talking about things openly and making a connection with your children is greatly needed. Talking about everything, not just abuse, drugs, and alcohol. We live in a busy world, but we must take the time to be involved with our children and our grandchildren. We have a role in nurturing children into adulthood. As a popular song from the Dixie Chicks states, "they are watching us." Children see us as a role model. If we want our children to be involved in the ministry of the church, we need to take ownership and be involved ourselves. God values children and that is shown to us when Jesus blesses the children. We should value them as much as God does. We need to advocate for them because they are vulnerable and need our guidance. One of the problems we see in mental health is the after effects of neglectful and abusive parenting. We need to support preventive mental health as well as the treatment of adults and children who have been affected in or during their upbringing. Those are issues that involve all of us, regardless of whether we are or were recipients of abuse or neglect, are or were perpetrators of abuse or neglect. Some of us are or were neither. Some of us do not have children, but that does not excuse us from the responsibility of caring for and advocating for children.
Families are important. They make up the fabric of our communities. Families are intergenerational. People my age are what is called the "sandwich generation", taking care of both children and parents. Many my age do not want to see our parents be placed in an institution because of all the stories we hear about the abuse and neglect that go on in these facilities. We fear that if they are abused or neglected, we cannot help but feel guilty. We fear that in our busy lives, if they are abused or neglected in a facility that we will not find our till the damage is done, so we try to do it all--children on the one hand and parents on the other, keeping them in home environments for as long as possible. Often, parents live together until one of them dies. After that, the oldest child is frequently called upon to take care of the living parent. There are no easy answers. Globally, in Africa, small children take care of their parents dying of Aids.
It is also common in today's world that grandparents are taking care of the children so the parents can be free to work. It saves money, but sometimes it is a real burden for the grandparents who find it difficult to say "no" to their children.
There are no easy answers. We all sin. We are all broken people. We have all grieved God over and over again. We have all sinned against each other. As God has provided reconciliation for us in Jesus, so we can start once again with a clean slate. We are free to bring reconciliation to others, put aside our prejudices, our judgments, our dislikes. Free to once again live in covenant with each other as with God as it was meant to be form the beginning of creation, when God created us male and female. We are free to be servants of each other, to give blessing, not negative judgment.
Where is your heart? Reconciliation is not an easy thing. We need to admit that we could be wrong about things, about people, about various issues. We need to set our egos and our "rightness" aside. Our hearts need to be in the right place. Just as Jesus was angry about the disciples' disallowing the children to be blessed, let our attitude be the same. Let us be welcoming, supportive, and nurturing. Let us stand up for the children in our midst, for the children of God young and old, large and small. Let us seek justice for all people in our midst and in our community and our world. May we use our gifts to that end. May we be a blessing to others as God has blessed us, redeemed us, and forgiven us. God strengthens us. God heals our thinking, feeling and behavior to be God's people. God goes with us in our ministry. May we be united in that ministry, despite our differences and work together to spread the gospel of God's saving grace.
For Mental Health Sunday, Pentecost 18/Proper 22A
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Saturday, August 09, 2014
When our Faith Falters
Proper14A, Sullivan Park Care Center, August 10, 2014 by Sr
Annette Fricke, OP
The summer,
for me, began at the beginning of July when the retired priest, now age 89 is
taking his usual two months off before resuming his scheduled return in
September. He is our primary pastoral
care provider as well as the pastoral visitor for his former parish. I am only
seeing part of the list, so I know it’s long. This year, more than ever, his
time off is very valuable. His wife’s
dementia is worsening and if life continues as expected for him, he will soon
outlive their approximately 53 year old daughter. She has pancreatic cancer, the same diagnosis
as another even younger member of the congregation who just died yesterday at a hospice
house on the South Hill. The task of providing pastoral care is a daunting one,
especially for someone who is going through his own walk with grief and loss. A person in this situation is a prime
candidate for both administering excellent care as well as succumbing to the hurt
that is within, ever in danger of leaking out at an inopportune moment. Worst case scenario, this can occur when
someone who is really struggling needs you to be strong the most. No one is immune, if indeed you have any
feeling at all for another’s pain in life.
This is why there are spiritual directors and why they also have
spiritual directors. There are certain
predicaments in our journeys here on earth, which demand the assistance of
others, most of which have an element of emotional pull. To put it bluntly, we
are all vulnerable to the temperamental waves of life’s ocean. Most of us are fearful of climbing out of the
safety of the boat, because we fear the force of the wind and the waves. We may not be aware, as children, but as
mature adults, we do know what’s out there, beyond our comfortable seats in the
boat. And if we don’t know, it is surely pretty close to our imaginations,
based on our past experiences.
Similarly,
the crafting of a particular British television series makes the point of
trying to balance one’s stressful work life amid the crises in one’s
family. The murder mystery series is
known by the title, ‘Wallander,’ Kurt Wallander being the full name of the key
performer. He plays the part of a
detective whose job description is to solve serial murder cases. He is a devoted policeman who pours himself
into his work one hundred percent. He
follows every lead till it is exhausted in pursuit of the truth of the identity
of the killer in each case. His
character is that of a man who is absolutely driven by the quest to solve that murder
as quickly as possible; a man who sits in a chair at night, unable to sleep,
partially because of the alcohol he is convinced will in some way help him
think. “He notices every detail about a
crime scene but cannot be bothered to notice when a loved one is
suffering. He is always on the edge of
collapse. The danger is not that he’ll
torture or kill a suspect; it’s that his own life is always within an inch of
falling apart. [The] relentless pursuit
of justice proves to be a demanding idol.”
He is single-minded and spends every waking moment of his time on duty relentlessly
tracking the suspect, determined to heed his demanding desire for justice.[1]
Wallander
finds himself torn between taking care of his own aging father and at the same
time going about solving the murder cases of elderly men. Further down the story line, he is
investigating the murder of several young women while dealing with a conflicting
relationship to his own daughter. The
fact of the matter is, like the title of this article in the magazine,
Christians are “never off the clock.”
This is how life comes to us in reality.
The boundaries become blurred because at the same time that we are in
process of comforting someone in their painful moments, we are going through
our own conflicts, our own struggles, and our own monumental strife. As much as we might like to give as a valid
excuse for not being involved in the pastoral care of those around us, that we
have our own problems, that simply will not cut it. There are no credible reasons for not caring. We are never off the clock because we are not
called to compromise our caring for each other as well as the entire world if
we indeed have decided to follow Jesus.
It is Jesus who commands us, like he did Peter, to come out of the
boat. Our attitude should be that of
Peter’s: “Jesus, is that you? I want to
be where you are. If that is you,
command me to come to you.”
When you
feel God’s absence in your life, when it seems that everything is crashing down
around you, when you are feeling totally abandoned, this gospel reading
emphasizes that God’s presence is always there.
God is there even when we don’t feel
that God is present. God will do
more for us than just be there in our joys and sorrows. God will defend us and lift us up when our
faith falters, just as he lifted Peter when Peter began to sink. God raises our whole beings to a new level of
faith when we become weak, when we unite our lives to Jesus.
There is
just one more thing that God illustrates for us in this gospel text and that is
this: the importance of spending time in prayer. If you follow the timeline, you will notice
that it appears that Jesus sent the crowds away in the late afternoon. We are told that Jesus was alone for most of
the night. He was there praying. He does not come back to the boat where the disciples
are until 4:00 am. Prayer is our
connection with God just as it was for Jesus while he was here on earth. It is prayer that grounds us for ministry to
and with others, allowing us to see that we are truly on equal terms with
others. There is no hierarchy of this or
that person being of a higher spiritual plane, because we all have the
potential, in our own lives, small as they may seem to the world, to help lift
others when they are sinking from the turbulent waves of life. Let the love of God in Jesus Christ be our
sole motivator for our actions towards others.
As in the
words of Julie Hausmann, Lord, take my hand and lead me upon life’s way; direct,
protect, and feed me from day to day.
Without your grace and favor I go astray; so take my hand, O Savior, and
lead the way. Lord, when the tempest
rages, I need not fear; for you, the Rock of Ages, are always near. Close by your side abiding, I fear no foe, for
when your hand is guiding, in peace I go.
Lord, when the shadows lengthen and night has come, I know that you will
strengthen my steps toward home, and nothing can impede me, O blessed
Friend! So, take my hand and lead me
unto the end.[2]
God is
indeed there to sustain us to the end: in the midst of all that troubles us, in
the ordinariness and in our joyful celebrations. God never abandons us; and even though at
times we sense that perhaps God is absent, help us in faith, to look up to you,
Lord Jesus.
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