Where is Your Heart?

Proper22B, Trinity Lutheran Church, Tacoma, WA by Annette Fricke, MA Psychology, MA Theology

Reconciliation is a six syllable word and probably one of the most difficult things we are called to do as Christians.  What does reconciliation mean?  If I look it up in my electronic dictionary, the definition comes up as 1. Cause to be friendly again, 2. Adjust or settle, 3. Bring to acceptance.  A further definition comes in the thesaurus and states "establishment of harmony" with synonyms listed as "harmonizing; rapproachment; reconcilement.  The definition of rapproachment is the "state of having or establishment of cordial relations."

If we look at the first definition, "cause to be friendly again," we realize that it implies something other than a previous friendly state.  Indeed, prior to reconciliation, people often feel offended, incensed, angered, miffed, frustrated, disappointed, and a whole host of other feelings.  In definition number two, "adjust or settle" we may think of settling an argument or a disagreement possibly by adjusting our thinking, our feelings and our behavior.  Sometimes our hearts are in the wrong place.  Sometimes our hearts do not match our feelings and behavior.  Sometimes we simply have conflicting values.  We know that we should give to the ministry of our church, but we hesitate.  We hesitate with our money, we hesitate with our behavior, we allow our non-humble, non-sacrificing self to take over.  We even agree to vows in baptism and marriage and then break them.  We agree to accept the children of the world, the vulnerable, the weak, those who have different values than us; the people that society considers to be somehow "less than".  But our actions betray us.  We draw lines of inclusion and exclusion.  We are judgmental.  We sometimes fail to see the big picture and are encased in narrow-minded navel-gazing.  As in Mary Poppins, we can't see past the ends of our noses.  We want to help in the ministry of Trinity, but we are waiting for someone to ask us.  We don't want to volunteer because we already have too much on our plates.  Sometimes it is a matter of balancing our priorities and taking the initiative.  God has blessed us with many gifted people here at Trinity.  Whether you realize it or not, you are one of them.  You have gifts.

Where is your heart?  What do you value the most?  Jesus told the Pharisees that they were very hard hearted.  Jesus was pointing out that the original covenant of marriage as it was established by God from the beginning, was to be a lifelong commitment.  But it was replaced by allowing a writ of divorce.  And in the Jewish teaching of that day, only men were allowed to get a divorce.  Women were not.  Jesus goes on to explain that Moses gave this law because you (the Pharisees) were hard hearted.  The Greek work for this actually is one compound word and kardia is the second of the words used.  The heart is thought to be the seat of emotions.  People who have had heart transplants have reported taking on the personality of the donor.  We talk about people who have a good heart and wearing your heart on your sleeve.  When we talk about someone having a soft heart, we see that person as someone who is easily taken advantage of.  We think of people who show emotions, people who wear their hearts on their sleeves, as being weak and vulnerable.  So we hide our emotions from others for fear of rejection.  Yet, if we hold our emotions inside, we can be contributing to depression.  When children are abused by others, they are often told by the abuser to promise to not tell their parents.  They will often keep that promise.  Sometimes the demand of an abuser is coupled with the threat of death if the abuser is discovered.  That is why there is sometimes a delay of years before a child will speak up about the abuse.  Some children who don't feel they are heard or who are abused can and do turn to alcohol and drug use.  That's why talking about things openly and making a connection with your children is greatly needed.  Talking about everything, not just abuse, drugs, and alcohol.  We live in a busy world, but we must take the time to be involved with our children and our grandchildren.  We have a role in nurturing children into adulthood.  As a popular song from the Dixie Chicks states, "they are watching us."  Children see us as a role model.  If we want our children to be involved in the ministry of the church, we need to take ownership and be involved ourselves.  God values children and that is shown to us when Jesus blesses the children.  We should value them as much as God does.  We need to advocate for them because they are vulnerable and need our guidance.  One of the problems we see in mental health is the after effects of neglectful and abusive parenting.  We need to support preventive mental health as well as the treatment of adults and children who have been affected in or during their upbringing.  Those are issues that involve all of us, regardless of whether we are or were recipients of abuse or neglect, are or were perpetrators of abuse or neglect.  Some of us are or were neither.  Some of us do not have children, but that does not excuse us from the responsibility of caring for and advocating for children.

Families are important.  They make up the fabric of our communities.  Families are intergenerational.  People my age are what is called the "sandwich generation", taking care of both children and parents.  Many my age do not want to see our parents be placed in an institution because of all the stories we hear about the abuse and neglect that go on in these facilities.  We fear that if they are abused or neglected, we cannot help but feel guilty.  We fear that in our busy lives, if they are abused or neglected in a facility that we will not find our till the damage is done, so we try to do it all--children on the one hand and parents on the other, keeping them in home environments for as long as possible.  Often, parents live together until one of them dies.  After that, the oldest child is frequently called upon to take care of the living parent.  There are no easy answers.  Globally, in Africa, small children take care of their parents dying of Aids.

It is also common in today's world that grandparents are taking care of the children so the parents can be free to work.  It saves money, but sometimes it is a real burden for the grandparents who find it difficult to say "no" to their children.

There are no easy answers.  We all sin.  We are all broken people.  We have all grieved God over and over again.  We have all sinned against each other.  As God has provided reconciliation for us in Jesus, so we can start once again with a clean slate.  We are free to bring reconciliation to others, put aside our prejudices, our judgments, our dislikes.  Free to once again live in covenant with each other as with God as it was meant to be form the beginning of creation, when God created us male and female.  We are free to be servants of each other, to give blessing, not negative judgment.

Where is your heart?  Reconciliation is not an easy thing.  We need to admit that we could be wrong about things, about people, about various issues.  We need to set our egos and our "rightness" aside.  Our hearts need to be in the right place.  Just as Jesus was angry about the disciples' disallowing the children to be blessed, let our attitude be the same.  Let us be welcoming, supportive, and nurturing.  Let us stand up for the children in our midst, for the children of God young and old, large and small.  Let us seek justice for all people in our midst and in our community and our world.  May we use our gifts to that end.  May we be a blessing to others as God has blessed us, redeemed us, and forgiven us.  God strengthens us.  God heals our thinking, feeling and behavior to be God's people.  God goes with us in our ministry.  May we be united in that ministry, despite our differences and work together to spread the gospel of God's saving grace.

For Mental Health Sunday, Pentecost 18/Proper 22A